Sirens
by SchizoRhitzo
Summary: A herd of monkeys sexually harasses Medic.    Just kidding, the title basically says it all.


It was 2:30 in the morning when Medic heard the sirens.

Somewhere on the fuzzy edges of memory, he recognized them. Old friends fitted between the cracks where images failed. Anxious whispers worked their way into his ears. He briefly recalled being underground, hearing that almost alluring warning sound muffled between dozens of warm bodies. What they meant never bothered him as much as it did others.

But now, here? He found it puzzling; disturbing, even. He had to struggle to put on his glasses and haul himself out of bed, but it wasn't like he hadn't done it before. His limbs felt numb yet nimble. Maybe it was light headedness, maybe something else. He had no time to ponder.

By the time he was dressed 3 others had already woken. Unsurprisingly it was the lightest sleepers on the team. Surprisingly, Pyro was among one of them. As he passed the masked man, he caught a glint in its tinted eye. He barely had a second to process it, but he recognized it at once.

The firebug was afraid.

"Merde, is zee Administrator going to fix that racket?" Spy's tone betrayed no nervousness, but his posture did. Without a cigarette in hand he seemed to lose an important essence of his composure. Before the team's Medic could reply, Sniper cut in to his left.

"I doubt it's the Administratah, mate." He sat himself down on a nearby crate while the sirens continued their wailing. Spy pulled his lips back in a sneer at the bushman's sheer stupidity.

"Who else could 'ave triggered it, a ghost? Do you even know how zee speaker system works!"

"Hoo szhs ut's cmmin' fhrm ruh shpkuhs?" Even behind a mask, Pyro's voice sounded groggy, lacking in usual cheer. The group considered this suggestion for a moment before Spy responded with his usual arrogance.

"Where else would it be coming from, then? Zee sky? Look around you, there is nothing else in sight that could produce that noise!" He gestured angrily at the room before them. The place where the capture point usually glowed an energetic blue lay dormant, and the lights remained switched off. Medic figured it was time to make his point and get something very important out of the way.

"Ve vill discuss discovering its origin lahtah. Zee matter is zhat one of our employers somehow got his hands on zee air raid sirens and is now playing zhem regardless of our backgrounds or how it might affect us. And it had been 15 minutes and zhey haff not stopped." An elephant entered the room and made itself very comfortable as the last of his words died away. Pyro shifted anxiously; Spy sniffed. "So vhat do we do, comrades? Vhat do we do?"

Sniper lifted his hat to get a better view of the medic. "Oigh say we go an' wake the others. This moight be important." The marksman's suggestion met no argument. Medic nodded.

"Very well. Ve should treat zhis as a —"

"Well duh," Scout snorted, "That's kind've a no brai—"

"— as a RED alert. In uzza words, no time to be vast—"

"So long as I am not the one who has to wake up Soldier, I have no complaints," Spy interjected, tapping a couple of fingers on his stick thigh. He had a slightly tense history with the jarhead, but that was a story for another time. Pyro was busy staring at him with an air of annoyance that was apparent even without an expression.

"Why don't you go an' get Demoman, Spoy? You could pistol whip 'im if he doesn't wake up the first few shakes." Sniper's small attempts at humor failed to tickle anyone's funnybone at this hour.

"Euugh, zee alcoholic? I don't know which one is worse. Eet is like asking me if I prefer drowning or burning," he groaned, leaning his back against the wall. Pyro was already halfway down the hall. "And where are YEOO going, firebug?"

"Trr whurk hhp Nnjuu un Schrrt. Ruh shirrns er getthn rudduh." Pyro's observations were accurate, as the sirens were indeed getting louder. It was giving Medic a damn headache and his initial discomfort had morphed into annoyance at this point. He wheeled around on his heels and trudged in the opposite direction with sudden purpose.

"I will go 'rouse zee Heavy. You two decide who vakes up Demoman und Souldja," he called out over his shoulder. Sniper and Spy looked at each other briefly before the Frenchman cracked a mischevious grin.

"On second thought, perhaps I WILL take Soldi—"

"No."

* * *

Heavy's snoring was even louder than the sirens. Medic resisted the incredibly tempting urge to clap his hands over his ears, instead putting them to the more important use of shaking the Russian's big shoulder. When this proved useless, he resorted to pinching his teammate's meaty forearms. He came nothing short of jumping on Heavy's chest before a big hand flew up and dangerously grinded the bones of his hand together.

"Ack! Heavy, it's me! Vake up shvinehunt!" The pressure receded when the man cracked open one of his beady blue eyes.

"Doktor? Vhat is-?"

"Shhh, listen!" He motioned to the ceiling, taking a step back as Heavy hefted his gargantuous body upright. He seemed to be lost in intense thought, listening intently to the siren.

"Doktor. Is zat-"

"Ja."

"But why here?"

"I do not know. Zee time for asking questions is not now, though. Vee must assemble zee team as soon as possible." Heavy seemed to be studying his face with slow deliberation before he nodded.

"Da. Go now, Doktor. I get ready."

Medic reached the doorway before throwing in his final words. "Make it quick. I do not know how much time vee haff left." Left for what, he hoped he never had to find out.

* * *

When Medic reached the still grey control point, Engineer and Soldier were already straight backed and hauling their shotguns. Scout wasn't far behind, griping about the early morning gathering. Bags haunted the bottom of his eyes.

Pyro and Sniper were busy stabilizing an incredibly hungover Demoman, whose one good eye was glazed over in pain. "Yoouu bettah have good reason for this, ya bloody lunatics," he snarled, obviously not awake enough to process his surroundings.

"Believe me, I would not haff voken you up if zee situation vasn't dire," Medic irritably replied, pushing his glasses up his nose. Soldier, of course, was quick to step in with a lecture.

"You think this is difficult!" Soldier spat, his incredibly grating shout even louder than the constant dreadful wail, "Son, I have been woken up at 1 in the morning when a German assassin had his hand around my balls and a / switchblade/ at my-"

"Solly, no offense but I don't think this is the time fer one a your stories. Doc's tryin' to say somethin'."

He did have something to say for quite a while now, but he lost his train of thought when the sirens finally pierced through his carefully maintained authority. He dug his gloves into his scalp in exasperation. "Ack, I zink I am going to go insane! Somevone fetch me earplugs!"

"Alright alright, just quit yellin'! Jeeze!" Scout was the first to comply, rushing off and stumbling to the infirmary. Pyro watched him go, silent as always. It seemed to be suspended in slow motion, something in its posture lacking the twitchy and gentle movements Medic had associated with life. Lord only knew what the pyromaniac was thinking, but Medic couldn't give a damn in his current state.

Admittedly, everyone was a little frayed. The eerie sound had been prevalent in their dreams and they woke to it echoing in their rooms. For some, it was a reminder of times they didn't want to think about.

"Don't faint now, docteur. We'll be needing you for when one of us collapses from exhaustion." Spy by now had a cigarette in his mouth, probably the only thing that kept him from losing his sanity. Medic was reaching the point of asking for one, if only to bite the white paper between his teeth. As his eyes wandered, Soldier seemed to be the only one unaffected. Then again, the insane can't really be used  
as a point of comparison.

Demoman was busy snoring on the floor. Pyro sat down nearby him, letting out a low groan. "Whrrn rr thrr gunnu shttp?"

"Who knows, mate," Sniper grunted, pulling his hat down over his eyes. "Could be minutes, could be hours." Pyro moaned, laying its head on its knees with some difficulty. The others sat down aside from Heavy, who had just made his way over. Nobody gave him a greeting. He didn't expect one.

A few agonizing minutes more passed. The sirens started warbling, finally fading away in a shaky tune that gave even Heavy chills. Pyro raised its head, waiting. Smoke curled and twisted to the ceiling until it was whisked away.

Where the Hell was Scout?

"...Think they're done?" Engineer muttered, scratching his head nervously. Pyro started getting up when Scout ripped down the hall, gripping onto the wall as he came to an abrupt stop. Sweat glistened on the tip of his nose. Everyone but Spy turned their head.

"Guys, I think you should see this."


End file.
